


offer

by gabriphales



Series: gomens drabble hell [44]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Trauma, no noncon actually happens but its implied az has been abused in heaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:52:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24473074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriphales/pseuds/gabriphales
Summary: aziraphale struggles with regret. previously abused, his perception of apologies - and what a lover's quarrel ought to be resolved with - is entirely skewed. crowley has to calm him down.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: gomens drabble hell [44]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664713
Comments: 3
Kudos: 104





	offer

"crowley," aziraphale crumbles, spreads his legs in the back of the bentley. "please. have your way with me. you can do whatever you want. i won't - i won't fight back."

crowley's throat pulls tight, his vision thickens with a dizzy, sick withdrawal of oxygen. there's spit pooling in his mouth, nauseating like the pressure on the underside of his tongue. something's throbbing there. he's about to throw up, he realizes, if he doesn't get a handle on himself soon.

he'd never wanted it to be like this. never wanted to hear those words from aziraphale coming out in such a strained, wretched tone. small and simpering, desperate to atone, to be forgiven in the only way he knows how. he's been used before. he'd told crowley that much, trusted him to keep the knowledge locked under clenched teeth. he was taught that to repent means to be hurt, to give himself up in any way he's desired. that sex and violence are inescapably intertwined, and should he make himself unworthy of a tender, gentle love, he'll have to have goodness fucked back inside him. 

crowley's illness takes on a new form of severity, leaving him drenched in sweat, prickling with heat just beneath his skin. he can't fathom it - aziraphale's trying to apologize, aziraphale's sorry because _crowley had started this._ they'd gotten into a silly little argument, a tiddly bit of bickering that would've been over faster than anything, if only crowley hadn't brought up _all that._ their early days, complete with the fighting, and the denial. the catchphrase insults that aziraphale's made more than clear he's dreadfully sorry for, and crowley has already forgiven him for a thousand times over. he'd never really held them against him in the first place.

now, now it's obvious that, at the very least, _aziraphale's_ been harboring them for quite some time. wracking himself with guilt, turning his body brittle and faint with shame. he's hardly eaten the past few days, crowley notes. and he hadn't thought much of it until now. 

(he has to be more careful, has to keep a closer eye on things, has to try _harder_ \- )

"please," aziraphale whimpers, looking awfully pale, sallow whites and ivories his primary palette. "take all your anger out on me. all your hatred. i know you're holding back. you don't have to anymore. i won't deny you anything, i - i'll be good."

crowley's flesh trickles with an undeniable itch. he wants to scratch himself right out of his skin, wants to bite his own tongue 'til the blood flows over on his chin. he wants to make a spectacle of himself, only so aziraphale will see how much he doesn't want this. how he doesn't begrudge him anything.

instead, he says the only words his garbled mouth can manage. "angel. i can't rape you."

perhaps that was the wrong choice, because aziraphale only sobs louder from it. wet tears licking down his cheeks, bubbling and growing fuller, fatter when they combine together at the edge of his jaw. crowley wants to wipe them away, but he can't bear to touch him. not yet.

"it's not - it wouldn't be... i'm telling you to do this. i deserve it. crowley, just - hurt me!" he cries, sharp and strangled, curling in on himself after the fact. he doubles over with what can only be shame, furiously rubbing at his sore, damp eyes, and hyperventilating all the while. the kind of breaths that hurry their way out of the throat, only getting jammed in their furious urgency. honestly, he's breathing so fast crowley's a little worried he might discorporate himself from this alone. his poor angel. how long has he been feeling like this, how long has he been guilty?

"how could i do that, darling? how could i hurt such a sweet, loving person? my favorite in the whole world, the most special angel to have ever come from heaven." crowley douses him in torrid affections, buttering him up soft as he can get. aziraphale shakes his head back and forth, goes furiously hard at first, as if desperate to convince himself that crowley _must_ be lying, it isn't true, he isn't good. but there's little he can do to keep up the fight. his protests die down, feeble and frail as he is. 

he lays limp in the backseat, still trembling through the aftershocks of his paroxysms. and, eventually, when enough time has passed, allows crowley to gather him into his arms. head against his lover's chest, nestling into hard-earned comfort. aziraphale bristles, chokes out the last of his encore sniffles, and crowley strokes his back throughout them. a warm, weighted presence between his shoulder blades.

"that's it, love." crowley tells him. "get it all out. so proud of you."

and aziraphale finds it very difficult to believe he could be proud of anything the angel's done, but he says it so smoothly, so saccharine and sincere, that aziraphale can't help but give his faith over crowley. he trusts him. just as he always has.

they'll talk about this more another time, get everything that needs to be said thoroughly spoken. but for now, aziraphale's content to sit in weary silence. especially when knowing crowley's just as happy to look after him, for however long he needs. they'll be okay together, aziraphale decides. no matter his fears, they'll be nothing but okay.


End file.
